Saturday, May 21, 2016

How to Be Single

PHOTOG: BROOKE CAGLE

How to be single…
I promise this won't be a condescending post where I'm teaching you how to be single because I'm so good at it (HA!). No, it's more of a rallying of the troops, sharing some wisdom I found on the journey and encouraging you wherever you're at. Wether you're single and loving it, single and frustrated or in a dead-end relationship…I have you in mind.

When it comes to the subject of singleness or specifically single women there is a long and colourful spectrum. On one end there are days, moments or groups of people who feel like this...

and on the other end there are days, moments or groups of people who feel like this...

And if you're anything like me no part of this spectrum is foreign to you!
So here are a few nuggets I have on the subject of How to Be Single….



1. GAIN PERSPECTIVE

It's so easy to lose perspective, sometimes we don't need our situation to change we just need to change the way we are looking at it. How do you view singleness? Be honest with yourself…
There are pros and cons to every season. For example, you could be wishing for summer but easily forget the annoying mosquitos and sticky nights that come with it. It's easy to romanticize the season that you're not in while downplaying the season that you are in. I've spoken to a lot of married women and mothers and one thing I ask them is "what's something that you wish you realized or took advantage of when you were single?"…so many of them said I wish I took advantage of all the TIME I had and I wish I didn't waste time 'waiting for life to happen'. Now is the time to discover who God created you to be, now is the time to develop the skills and gifts that He's given you, now is the time to build strong friendships. Now is the time to take risks.  Now is the time to heal from past hurts and to develop your character.  An amazing series that I love sharing with people who just had a break up, or who need a reality check, or who want to prepare for a future relationship is 'The New Rules for LOVE, SEX and DATING' by Andy Stanley ! Watch it, you will not be disappointed! 

2. UNDIVIDED & WHOLEHEARTED DEVOTION

If you're a believer, I want to encourage you with the words of Paul "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:34-35". It's like Paul knew our natural push back…he says "I am saying this for your own good not to restrict you". You're singleness is not to restrict you but it's a precious season where you get to be wholeheartedly devoted to the Lord (not to say that married women aren't but it's just different ) but as a married woman there are more balls to juggle. Now is a season where you get to make sure that you're foundation is STRONG. Don't get me wrong I'm excited about the day where I'll be able to please my husband and love him as on to the Lord but for now I want to make sure that I'm grounded in God's love first and foremost. That's where I find my value, joy and peace and on the days where I'm not feeling it or I forget, I remind myself and speak truth over my life… that's one of the reasons I love journalling it reminds me of God's faithfulness, it reminds me that I am never alone.

For a great post on how to spend time with God and develop that relationship check out Heather Lindsey's post here

3. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT 

Again when it comes to this subject there are two extremes. On one end of the spectrum you have women who create elaborate lists of the kind of man they want including his exact height, career choice and salary number. To this girl I'd say, the only perfect man who ever walked the earth was Jesus. It's great to know you're non negotiables, but make sure they are rooted in the word and trust that God doesn't only know what you want but what you need. Be careful that you don't shut something down just because it didn't look the way you expected it to. On the other hand, there are people who have absolutely no standards and are unaware of how valuable they are and so they settle for any Tom, Dick or Harry who comes their way not because they like them but because they fear there will be no one else who shows interest. To this girl I'd say that you are incredibly valuable, there is no one else exactly like you and it's important to be honest with yourself and others….don't string someone along or put up with mistreatment because of your fears or insecurities.  Not every man that comes your way needs to have access in to your heart; your time and emotions are precious. But if your main priority is to change your marital status you'll take whatever comes your way. Have you ever gone to a party or gathering and because you were really hungry you ate all the crap that was available: candy, chips, soda! It's because you're body was in survival mode or you lost sight of what you said you wanted on January 1st. Do you really want what you say you want? Are you prepared to grow and develop or are you just wanting to be rescued? That's the beautiful thing about discovering who you are in Christ and being grounded in His love. You realize that only He truly satisfies and you become less likely to just grab at anything and everything. Also, once your mindset changes, you're not going in to a relationship in survival mode wanting someone to rescue you but you go in to a relationship ready to give, ready to serve.   



So wherever you're at sis, I pray you'll know how loved you are. I pray that when you're tired or lonely you'll gain perspective and remind yourself of how blessed you actually are. I pray that you'll make the most out of this season, that you'll have fun, spend time with God, go on adventures and seek to build His kingdom! I pray that you'll live like every day mattered. I pray that at the right time, the right man will recognize you as the woman he wants…not because you were sleeping…but because you were both running after the same thing <3
SO RISE UP GIRL…WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO…




You're so Loved,
Sherina Shantelle



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